(NFSM) It's week 2, and time to dramatically lower the tone!

My mummy reads my blog.  I have labeled this NSFM (Not Safe For Mothers) to indicate that today’s post may not make her proud.

But fear not Mummy because this isn't about me. It's about my "friend"! 

Let's call my friend Filip. Conveniently, Filip is also struggling to survive a month on very low income.  Last weekend he did a controlled scientific study into different methods of having fun during a night out while spending very little money.  Filip has kindly allowed me to share some of his conclusions with you. He’s generous like that.

Some of these strategies (which mainly deal with the acquisition of free alcohol) require a degree of ethical compromise. Filip likes to think that he has built up enough moral credit through fundraising and frugality to offset these negatives, but if you’re likely to think otherwise then perhaps you should stop judging or stop reading.

Here’s the set-up:

Environment 1: A night out featuring bars and a nightclub

Environment 2: Daytime drinking in a casual bar.

Caveat: The results of these experiments are all obtained by a passably attractive researcher in venues with substantial gay male patronization.  Any conclusions may not extrapolate well to other environments.

The experiments can be categorized into:

1.    Active strategies that rely on honesty

2.    Active strategies that rely on deception

3.    Passive strategies

1.    Active strategies that rely on honesty

Experiment 1.1. Buy cheap alcohol and share it with friends

Filip took my advice and split the cost of a large box of Franzia with four friends.

Cost: $2

Number of independent experiments: 1

Success Rate: 100%

Ethical rank: High

Filip is shy. This photo is of me, seemingly after having made good progress on the box.

Experiment 1.2. Identify a friendly and generous bartender

This strategy is inappropriate unless you’re only temporarily poor for a fundraising exercise. A very cute and generous friend offered me Filip free drinks that he was happy to accept.

Cost: Free

Number of independent experiments: 1

Success Rate: 100%

Ethical rank: High

Experiment 1.3. Ask somebody to buy you a drink

Filip discovered that this strategy requires considerable patience and finesse in order to be successful.  In the absence of a conversational prelude, the strategy had a success rate of zero. As with many of these strategies, success relies on establishing an ulterior motive in the counterpart who will be providing funds. This introduces risk.

Cost: Free

Number of independent experiments: 4

Success Rate: 50%

Ethical rank: Medium

Experiment 1.4. Seek entry to a club by incentivizing somebody to provide access

The strategy here is similar to successful strategies in Experiment 1.3.  This experiment suffers from a small sample size, and Filip was only able to test one kind of incentive: a friendship-based incentive.

Cost: Free

Number of independent experiments: 1

Success Rate: 100%

Ethical rank: High

2.    Active strategies that rely on deception

Experiment 2.1. Offer to buy your counterpart a drink and realize too late that you have no money

This strategy worked, but suffers a high ethical penalty. Filip did not enjoy this experiment.

Cost: Free

Number of independent experiments: 1

Success Rate: 100%

Ethical rank: Very Low

Experiment 2.2. During the daytime in a quiet bar, pretend to have been stood up on a date

This strategy has a small upfront cost because it is difficult and uncomfortable to sit at a bar without ordering a drink.  It requires the purchase of a cheap soft drink which is then drunk slowly.  After having success with this experiment, Filip came clean about the experiment, which paid off with a small donation to the cause.  This made Filip feel better less bad about himself.

Cost: $2

Number of independent experiments: 1

Success Rate: 100%

Ethical rank: Low

3.    Passive strategies

Passive strategies are hard to test empirically since they cannot be categorized into discrete experiments. Still, Filip shared his conclusions on how to maximize the likelihood of receiving an unsolicited free drink. 

While not as directly dishonest as the deception strategies, these more obviously involve the trade of a perceived benefit (that you generally have no intention of providing) for a drink.

Free drinks were most frequently obtained when the following conditions were met:

·         It is close to the end of the night

·         The experimenter has sent his friends to a different part of the bar

·         The experimenter is standing close to the bar with his back to it

·         The experimenter looks happy and approachable

Filip received 2 unsolicited drinks from passive strategies.

He urges you not to calculate how many drinks he consumed in total.